★ Posting some slightly older images that I never got around to sharing

★ Once in a while, I’m social. After dinner with my cute 友達☆

★ Once in a while, I’m social. After dinner with my cute 友達☆

★ Dressed up to attend Amato Haute Couture show at the Lincoln Center for New York Fashion Week. I’m an eerie porcelain doll and my friend is a handsome prince ❤︎

匿名ユーザーの発言:: Jw u a guy or girl lol U look really pretty and also really handsome at the same time aha

Ah, this is kind of difficult. The simple answer, if you’re referring solely to biological sex/anatomy, is I was born female.

The more complicated answer: I’m genderqueer. I’ve never strongly identified as only a “boy” or a “girl” for a significant length of time. There are days when I feel I am quite masculine and I’ll reflect that in the way I dress, carry myself, and speak. But in between those days, I’ll wake up and feel a little feminine too, and again, my particular state of mind will outwardly manifest itself in my appearance and mannerisms. It’s not a 50/50 split either, because even more confusing for everyone are those moments when I truly feel like neither end of the spectrum — they’re my avant garde days.

To be completely honest, there was a period of time where I felt bothered by the use of feminine pronouns, because I’ve never seen myself as a “girl”, but masculine pronouns didn’t feel 100% right either, even though I did (and somewhat still do) prefer them. Nowadays, I just let anyone use whatever they like when referring to me because it’s too time consuming to sit every person down for this kind of discussion. For the record though, I like the use of the gender neutral “ze”, or simply my name (Kei) will do. In public, close friends will sometimes use the typical pronouns associated with my look for the day to cut down on confusion.

Sometimes, I jokingly describe myself as a man stuck in a(n arguably) feminine body who likes to dabble in crossdressing (which, for the most part, is a fairly accurate interpretation of my situation when you take into account my stereotypical “masculine” personality).

For me, my identity has always been dynamic and ever changing; it’s something that I didn’t always understand, and is something that I still have trouble formulating into words that accurately depict the entirety of my situation.

This was probably not the answer you were expecting but I hope my explanation wasn’t too hard to follow, and also thank you for the ask! (As well as for thinking I’m handsome and pretty!)

★ In an effort to post more (fashion-related) content in general, I’m trying out a series of short videos. Please let me know what you think! Although I prefer still images more, this is probably easier and faster in the long run since I don’t have to transfer images onto my laptop, edit lighting, etc.

★ Ridiculous amount of photos that capture the last few months of my life. Including, but not limited to: daily outfit snaps, late night ramen in NYC with amazing friends, rocker Jung Joon Young reading my message to him live on air & winning 2 autographed copies of his new album as a result, working for Yoshiki and X Japan at Otakon. I’ve had an amazing birthday because of all these great experiences and being around such wonderful friends. Thank you for making my year that much more special ♥♥♥

★ 誕生日のメッセージ。Awkward birthday message. Excuse my 敬語, it’s been a while. (Are translations needed?)

★ Hair update: silvery blue x black with an undercut on the left side.

★ [2014.06.21] Burgundy vampire makeup inspired by EXO’s Baekhyun

★ Hey everyone,

So I rarely do anything like this, but I entered this silly little competition mostly to get my name and face out there (and of course, my work). If there was ever a time that you were impressed or even just slightly intrigued by my styling work, outfits, or the things that I make, please consider voting for me and reblogging this to share with your friends too. I appreciate your time and votes. Thank you so much, it means a lot.

Direct link to vote: http://woobox.com/hwshjp/vote/for/4023250

(P.S. This styling is quite different than anything I usually do, as it is neither the usual avant garde nor gothic stylings that I am so used to, but I wanted to showcase my versatility. Do you like it?)

★ 今日のテーマは死神です。Today’s theme is the grim reaper.

New Instagram

Hello wonderful friends & followers. So many of you have asked me to create an Instagram account and I’ve been terribly lazy, but I’ve finally decided to do so this morning. You can follow me at http://www.instagram.com/keisena

Also happy ムックの日 to all my MUCCers out there!

★ 今日のテーマは薔薇のゴシックアリストクラート。Today’s theme is Rose Gothic Aristocrat.

★ 今日のテーマは薔薇のゴシックアリストクラート。Today’s theme is Rose Gothic Aristocrat.

★ Testing for Power era Zelo.

★ Testing for Power era Zelo.

★ From 2014.04.13

This was my Zelo cosplay for LIVE ON EARTH NYC. I wanted to talk a bit about the experience and also, a little about what happened last year too, since a lot of people have asked about B.A.P’s reactions to my cosplay.

For two years in a row, I’ve been lucky enough to win high touch tickets. My first experience meeting them was in Washington, D.C., where I had won a ticket because I placed first in the cosplay contest that I …kind of walked into at the last minute. Literally. I was only just let into the fanmeet spot since I arrived a little late (the makeup and hair for this cosplay takes me forever!) and several people came up to me and asked if I was entering the cosplay contest. It all happened so fast — someone entered my name and I more or less got shoved on stage and there was a lot of cheering from the crowd and suddenly I was announced first place. I’m still scratching my head over that, honestly. (If you’re interested, this was the costume that I won in.)

Anyhow, at the high touch, B.A.P were standing in age order, with Bang being first in line. I know it was a magical experience for some fans, but I personally felt that it was rushed and kind of disenchanting. It was literally a 5 second thing, where I high-fived each of them while a venue staffer was yelling at everyone to move along. So yeah, not exactly very magical in my eyes. And given that it was such a short experience, B.A.P mostly seemed kind of overwhelmed and a little robotic, just standing in place with their right hands held up for fans to high-five them.

Well, when it was my turn, I couldn’t help but notice how tall Bang Yong guk is. He’s definitely the 180 cm that his profile says. I liked the fact that he took his time to really look into the faces of the fans that he was high-fiving, like he was trying to commit each person to memory, and he even watched each person as they moved on to the next member. As I approached, his face was still turned to look at the previous fan, and he had the warmest smile on his face when he finally turned to face me. I quickly high-fived him and moved on to Himchan, who, before I even started to move towards him, whipped his head in my direction and let out a very loud, “WHOA!” at me. I kind of noticed out of the corner of my eye that Bang had an ultra delayed reaction to me around that same time, because he turned his head to really look at me again. It was kind of a priceless moment, with Bang staring at me and Himchan’s mouth gaping in astonishment. I really couldn’t help but laugh at Himchan and mimicked his “whoa” and gave him a thumbs up before I high-fived him.

Next was Daehyun, who is actually my favourite member of the group — everyone seems to find that so surprising though when I tell them. He had such a dazzling smile and his eyes were kind of sparkling, despite the dim lighting. I’m not sure how much of everything he was processing since his facial expression didn’t really change from fan to fan. Youngjae was standing pretty close to Daehyun and he was giving me this highly amused smile like he was trying to refrain from bursting out into laughter. Jongup seemed just as static as Daehyun in expression, so I’m not sure if he really saw me. His hair was this lovely reddish-purple mix that he had for the Coffee Shop MV, which I think was one of the best colours he’s had. All three of them were very similar in height, and noticeably shorter than Bang and even Himchan. Himchan wasn’t quite as tall as Bang, but he is actually quite tall. However, I kind of stood eye level with Daehyun, Youngjae, and Jongup. I’m about 5’6”-7” in my shoes….

Zelo, though, was the only member that I really had to raise my head in order to make eye contact with. He seemed very hyper throughout the whole event, he was actually looking everywhere and looking ahead to see who else was in line that he had yet to meet. When I approached him, his baby teeth were showing from his cute smile and crap, that kid is just nothing but cheeks in real life. His eyes went a little big when he looked down at me, it was very cute. He was the only one where I had to reach up to high-five as well. I didn’t have to move my hand around much to high-five any of the others.

I didn’t bother to say anything to them at that time (with the exception of Himchan, I guess) because it was so rushed.

For the high touch event in New York this year, things were a little less rushed and the guys seemed a lot more relaxed and casual this time around.

Zelo smiled at me when I approached and said, “Zelo!” at me.

That honestly made me really happy. I was still laughing in amusement when I reached Daehyun so I wasn’t able to say anything to him. Also, I am pretty sure Zelo is way, way taller than 184 cm at this point — I’d venture to say closer to 188-190 cm now. He is gigantic. And standing next to him, Daehyun looks so petite. It didn’t help that Bang was on the other side of Daehyun either. They’re both so tall and broad where Daehyun is just…not at all. Bang looked kind of tired and out of it, but I told him お疲れ様でした…and kind of hoped that he would at least understand that simple Japanese phrase.

Next to Bang was Himchan, and he was busy staring at my costume so it took him a few seconds to react to what I said to him in Japanese. I was amused.

This year, Youngjae gave me the best reaction of all though. I’m pretty sure he noticed me in the audience because his face was priceless when he was looking in my direction. I was second row, and he was standing right in front of my section for most of the concert. So yeah, before I even got to him, he had actually leaned his weight on one arm on the table in front of him and managed to reach far out and over the table to high-five me, instead of the other way around. It kind of looked like he was about to climb over the table! I actually half expected him to prop his leg up on it, it was so surprising!! It was an extra enthusiastic high-five and it honestly made me feel like a bro or something, haha. I also told him お疲れ様でした. Jongup was after him but I don’t remember much about the experience. I know I said お疲れ to him as well, but I was still dazed by Youngjae’s reaction and high-five.

I also managed to run into them in Koreatown after meeting up with my friend and trying to figure out where we could get sushi so late at night for her cousin. I found it mildly amusing that they would have dinner at a Korean restaurant when they came all the way from Korea.

As far as my next B.A.P cosplay plans are concerned, I’m working on yet another variation of No Mercy Zelo, and also Power Zelo, which I want to debut at Otakon.

This was a ridiculously lengthy post, but I hope that it was at least an interesting read. Thank you everyone who liked my cosplay and took photos with/of me!